Here’s a little pandemic satire for those, like me, are tired of hearing about the coronavirus. I hope it brightens your day a little.

 

Good morning, coronavirus

How are you today?

I see you’re on TV again

Lead story on GMA

 

People are afraid of you

The media loves it so

Their ratings rising by the minute

Scared millions trust their shows

 

Pandemic is what they call you now

like AIDS and the Swine Flu

You’d think the bloody sky is falling

The panic has ensued

 

You’ve made my life a chaotic mess

Just speaking for myself

I hate to go to Wal Mart now —

no TP on the shelf

 

You cancelled flights from Europe

you postponed the NBA

My college payment was way too high

for class to go away

 

Look what you did to the NCAA

no cheerleaders or bands

and how do you expect me to enjoy

March Madness with no fans?

 

We’ve survived some plagues like you before

why should I come unglued?

Don’t tell me now to cancel trips

there’s stuff I want to do

 

I’ll wash my hands, sneeze into shirt

but if you plan to stay

I’ll mock your sorry virus butt

and work from home today

 

If by chance I catch your bug

you can laugh into my face

I’ll quarantine myself two weeks,

eat chocolate, and watch some Greys.